The Church Sign

After I was given the opportunity to Pastor a local Church, I soon realized that my part-time duties were far more than I had expected. These included visitation, preaching, teaching, singing, preparing sermons, business meetings and then there was the sign. You know which sign I am talking about. The sign by the side of the road that is used to tell people when special services are held and when not in use for anything else it is the one with cute sayings on it. Sayings like “God is my Co-pilot” and “If God is your co-pilot then change seats”. I do hate these signs. More often than not I see these signs and their cute little sayings and cringe with pain. I put myself in the seat of a non-believer and wonder how they feel about those people that attend a Church that would have those stupid signs. The other day I saw one saying, “This sign broken come inside for directions”. I heard of another sign that said, “Everyone gives God credit but no one gives God cash.



The very week I was installed as pastor my name went on this sign announcing to the world and to that little community that a new pastor was hired and would be preaching the next Sunday at 11 o’clock worship hour. Many would have been proud to see their name in lights, {our sign had lights and a big arrow too}. My mother and Father would be among those who would have like the sign, but remember I hated those signs. Three weeks went by and the sign stayed the same. I really had hoped that someone would steal this sign and put me out of my misery. I had even thought of doing it myself except for the fact that the people of the church were so proud of that sign. I could not show them that I disapproved but rather had to cover up my feelings to protect the feelings of those good hearted people that not only wanted that sign but felt that the church needed that sign.



The moment finally came when the committee that bought the sign, came to me to ask me what I wanted to put on the sign. Well that did it. Now do I have to do everything including thinking of silly little sayings to put on silly signs? Remember I hate those signs. Just then in that moment of self-pity and frustration I had an epiphany. We had just announced the new pastor in town so now would be the time to shake up the community. Let’s put on the sign “The Church of the Second Chance.” I mean really isn’t that what church is, a place for people to come for a second chance. Doesn’t God give us a second chance when we ask for forgiveness? Isn’t the church a place for the gathering of those whom have been given a second chance? This was to be my sermon for the following week but what happened even I was not expecting. I was really busy at Seminary and had had no contact that week with anyone from the church.


When I arrived the following Sunday, I was greeted with big smiles and assurances that the sign project was a success. The phones of the members had rang off the hook that week because the local buzz was that the new pastor had come in and changed the name of a church in only three weeks. For Eighty years this church had stood as a monument and a home to this community. Someone could have hardly lived in this community and not have been touched by this church. Some had gotten married or baptized here or married someone whose parents had been married or baptized here. Some had attended socials and parties and Bible school here. It would have been hard to live in such a small community and not have been touched someway by its presence in the community. Now after only three weeks the most unbelievable thing had happened and a new preacher had poisoned the minds of the congregation and everyone had to come to see it with their own eyes. Yes I’m happy to say that attendance rose each week that the sign said Church of the Second Chance. It didn’t take but a few weeks however for the dust to settle and everyone had an opportunity to meet me and realize that the church was not changing names but in the process we had people coming back to church that had not come in years. I had to admit that the sign did work. After only a few weeks it was time again to change the sign. The same committee approached me to ask me to do it again. I had to think of something else to put on the sign. They felt that my first suggestion was such a big hit that they wanted me to choose again. I thought for only a few seconds and said put on the sign “Church of the Third Chance.”

The Flop Factor Bible

Have you ever heard of the Flop Factor? The very first day of Seminary we were hoarded like sheep to the library where we were given a tour of the facilities and then ushered to a conference room where we were given a presentation. The salesman was a sharply dressed fellow with a very good sales presentation. I thought he was going to recruit us to go door to door selling Bibles the way that he was presenting them. Men just like him had recruited us in college to sell dictionaries door to door. I was one of the smart ones however and worked in a local printing mill that summer instead of traveling the world selling books. I really was not interested in purchasing a Bible since I already had a good collection of them that I hardly read. Now before you jump to conclusions, I read my Bible a great deal but left the many others on the shelf for research. I had a Scofield, a King James, a New American Standard, a NIV and others. I even had a copy of the world’s smallest Bible that I needed a magnifying glass to read.


The only Bible I did not have in my possession was the one belonging to my grandfather. My Grandfather was a minister for the last 30 years of his life and actually learned to read while learning to read the Bible. His Bible was torn and aged and marked with many notes that he had made over the years. Sermons were preached directly from his Bible and most could be found footnoted in it. He used it in the pulpit each and every Sunday morning and Sunday night and on Wednesday night. He studied from it during the week and if you stopped by his house to see him you could bet that that Bible was on his lap, beside his chair, or on the table nearby. Tattered and worn are the only adjectives that come to mind. When he preached from the pulpit on Sundays often he would raise the Bible in the air especially if he was driving home a point about reading, studying, or believing in the Bible. His Bible would spread open as if had wings and was going to fly. The Bible was large and he was large and the waving of that Bible would drive home the point he would be making as he waved it in the air. This ability to appear like wings flopping in the air is what is known as the Flop Factor.


The Bible salesman offered us for a cool sum of about eighty dollars a Bible that had a good Flop Factor. However, if we were really serious about our futures, we might want to consider the very best he had to offer for one hundred eighty dollars. This Bible had been specially designed to have the highest Flop Factor of them all and the demonstration he gave was very convincing. The paper, the leather cover and the binding, all had been chosen to give us this special Flop Factor. I had never seen another Bible that could flop like that in my life except one, my grandfather’s. I knew that I did not need that Bible for my collection but that I needed only to study the one I had more often. Maybe someday my Bible would have this Flop Factor. If I was diligent in studying, reading, and searching it for answers, then someday maybe I could have a real Flop Factor Bible. I did leave with many questions in my mind and would have to search for the answers. Why had anyone researched to find out about a Flop Factor? Did a Bible with a high Fop Factor make a pastor look more distinguished as he or she spoke their sermons? Had someone requested that the manufacturer make a Bible with a better Flop Factor because they didn’t want to study theirs or maybe they wanted it to appear as they had studied theirs that much? Did preachers really stand in front of mirrors and practice preaching waving their expensive Flop Factor Bibles just to look more convincing? Is this starting to sound like Hollywood? Did someone forget that there was a Holy Spirit? Amen

Dr. Horne, What Do I Do?

He was old but still had pep to his step as he came to the Seminary to teach preaching classes. Dr. Horne had written books on preaching and had spent forty-five years at one church, which is an amazing feat since the average term of a pastor is about eighteen months. With great care He led us in lectures that were written chapter by chapter in his book. If you read the homework you could hear it spoken by the author in class the next day. After a short while I decided that I wanted to hear it from the mouth of the author rather than read it from a book and stopped doing my homework in his class. I didn’t like homework anyway. It was a joy each class to hear him give his knowledge to us so freely, trying to help us in our present ministries as well as our future ones. You could feel the spirit of God in his life and witness it, as he would grab you by the arm and encourage you. We said the Holy Spirit oozed from his shoes. His goodness and kindness had a way of making you feel guilty and you had done nothing wrong. His hands were bent with arthritis and his hair was pearly white. Everybody seemed to like him.


At the end of each class he would ask for questions. There always seems to be one guy that asks stupid questions. We would cringe when this one guy would ask a question but never would Dr. Horne. No matter what the question was he would give his utmost attention to it and the person asking the question. On this day after a particularly slow class this same guy asked a question. This young Student had been preaching for three weeks at a church that was entertaining the idea of calling him as their pastor. He needed the position and was really worried that they would not call him. The chairman of the deacon board had called him to the side for a conference and told him that they liked him very much. The deacon told him that they enjoyed his sermons but that he wanted to hear a sermon that would step on the toes of certain members. To step on someone’s toes meant that he had to preach hard about certain sins and try to make the people feel guilty about their actions and repent. It is a common practice among preachers. This young preacher did not feel good about doing this so he asked Dr. Horne for his advice. Dr. Horne repeated the description of the dilemma that the young man was in to be sure that he understood the question correctly. Then came his answer. Dr. Horne raised his bent hand in the air, leaned forward in the pulpit stand where he stood to give lectures and told him to not step on their toes but to wash their feet. That should have been my last day at Seminary. I believe that I could preach on that for the rest of my life. What did Jesus do when no one offered to clean their feet when he and the disciples entered that house on that day at the Last Supper. He didn’t step on toes rather he got down and washed their feet.


When I was young I would aid my Grandfather when he held footwashing services at the church I grew up in. Though I never was a participant I saw big strong men bend down and wash the feet of other men. This was quite humbling in a way. How could you bend down on your knees and wash someone else’s dirty feet and not somehow feel a connection to them, especially if you do not have to. Do you remember how upset Jesus was later when he kept finding the disciples asleep when he would return from praying in the garden? This crew was going to be left with the Great Gospel and the job of spreading it to the world. Jesus had to be disappointed with them at this point. He had to wonder if it had been a mistake to have chosen these men to do this enormous job. Part of his pain and frustration when he asked to let this cup pass from him could have been that he did not feel they were ready for the task at hand. We know later that same night they all ran away out of fear of being arrested. Peter denied Jesus three times before the cock crowed. Jesus could have been upset that not a soul was there to wash their feet as they entered that house that day. Instead of yelling at them or stepping on their toes he washed their feet and 11 lazy, sleepy, unmotivated, poorly mannered disciples spread the news to the world. Don’t step on their toes but rather wash their feet.